This morning started off as one of those days. You know, the type where you procrastinate from the day's duties and chores. I am a
master at this craft! I should have been working on my manuscript or putting away
the mountain of laundry piled up in the chair next to me. Instead, I've planted
myself in the couch and cozied up with a soft, gray blanket (my favorite) while
I gazed out the bank of windows that make up the back wall of my living room.
As I stared past the steam rising from a fresh cup of coffee, I studied the new
buds of a sweet gum tree induced by Spring's promise. I observed the way the
wind blew the weeds I eagerly wanted to call grass.
I was not surprised to find my stillness had provoked wonders of this world as I marveled at its perfection. My thoughts soon came to rest on God while I considered all the intricate planning He does in every aspect of life. The silky pages of my Bible slapped against each other as I turned to one of my favorite chapters in Psalm. 139:13 reads, "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knitted me together in my mother's womb." 16 goes on to say, "Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."
The tension I didn't even realize I was holding throughout my body melted away with my exhalation. I found comfort in the reminder He knows all the hardships I have to endure as well as the outcome of each, even though I don't. I let gravity win its battle with the weight of my head as it came to a rest on the back of the couch. The length of my breath found its natural rhythm. I chuckled at my unrealized and unnecessary anxieties. He knows when my story here on earth will be complete, even though I don't. My lips curled up to meet my eyes filled with gratitude in knowing He made me specifically to compliment my husband. Thankfully, neither of us gave up on our covenant during our hardest days together. We relish in the beauty of our incredible bond today, tightened by life's heart-breaks and struggles from yesterday. He has gifted Scott and me with three beautiful children. Each one completely different from the others. I am acutely aware, though, our children are ultimately not ours. I shuddered at the reminder I may have borne them, but He gave them life. He has merely lent them to us for an unspecified time. He has entrusted Scott and me to care for, love, and direct each of them on the right path. Every day I pray for guidance in the most important role of my life.
My mind shifted as memories of hot, muggy summers during my teenage and young adult years began to play in my mind. I could see myself tubing with friends in the dark, murky waters of numerous Louisiana lakes and rivers. I remember the excitement and adrenaline rush that used to consume me as I waited for the momentum of the boat to pull me up into planing mode. I can still feel the burning, worn out muscles in my arms and legs after one too many loops that resulted in yet another failed attempt at throwing me off the tube. The boat maneuvers right as my friend prepares for one more sharp turn to the left. I know I’ve given this ride my all. My time has come to let Newton’s Law have its way as I let go of the straps and cross my tired arms over my chest.
Tubing with a lunatic at the wheel is so similar to going through life without ultimate faith in His plan for you. After holding on throughout so many figure-eights that life will undoubtedly throw in your path, you finally realize you can’t continue by yourself anymore. So you let go of the fight. Let Exodus 14:14 serve as a reminder for those moments when you’re too tired to continue holding on. "The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm."
"Jesus Calms the Storm - even the waves and wind obey him." ~ Matthew 8:23-27
"For this world is not our
permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come." ~ Hebrews 13:144
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